it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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