Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
