gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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