Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
