do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
