I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
