She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize