I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
