just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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