What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
