i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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