i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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