Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
