you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
