Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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