My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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