He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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