your parents love me but you hate me
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
