today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
