so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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