I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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