Its about making memories worth repressing
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
