I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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