my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
