just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
vagina is talking i cant
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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