areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
