I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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