I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
