If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
