I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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