So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize