My underwear smells like fireworks.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
