I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
