hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Someone came in the potted fern
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
