the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
