I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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