I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize