Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize