I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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