alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
