That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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