i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Randomize
