people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
