If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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