You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
