Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
