proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
