You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
3pm strippers are depressing
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
