gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
