Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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