He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
