my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
