i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize