After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
