do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
