You can't special order awesome
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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