So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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