i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
