If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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