So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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