The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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