Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
