Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
