Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize