Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
