the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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