I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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