I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Two words: blizzard sex
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
