Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
