I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
