So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
whose parrot is this?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
