it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
