Yo dont text me then not text me
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
