maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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