I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
