Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
