He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Quick, to the slutcave!
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
