In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
