if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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