Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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