It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
