so explain again why im purple
no
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
