I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
