On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i jhust puked up my retainher.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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