I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
