MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
