Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
