Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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