I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
All the doctor said was why
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
