Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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