no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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