i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
