The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
