I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
