Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
