So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
