K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
