I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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