i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
