This show inspires me to have sex in space
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
