Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize