The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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