I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
