I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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