I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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