I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize