I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
