Ketchup is God's man juice
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
