All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
