So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize